读后感:性别大战(抗)

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helenClaire
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读后感:性别大战(抗)

Post by helenClaire » 2005-12-19 11:42

看到豹纹和为情所困的讨论了,凑个热闹。

Maureen Dawd的新书<<Are Men Necessary? When Sexes Collide>>虽然缺乏中心思想和让人铭记的口号,仍然是很轻松的阅读。我读完后,就跟作者预期的一样,越发糊涂困惑。
总共九章的书,有四章让我留下印象。

第一章,求婚游戏。

这是两性最富有聪明才智的时刻,想不好玩都难。
作者二十五岁那年(现在五十三),她母亲送给她一本<<How to Catch and Hold a Man>>,书名好不耳熟呀,留心作者名字,是Yvonne Antell, 没听说过。
Maureen Dawd抱怨现在的女性走回头路了,拼命打扮自己去取悦男人,争夺“太太”的称号。连她的单身好友们,也纷纷给她打电话,要借这本早已绝版的老书来参考。她出于服务大众的目的,公布了书中的六项要决。其中一项是“时刻把自己想象成一只慵懒、神秘的猫。。。”豹纹衣物的位置和作用在此处被强调。。。
当然,Maureen Dawd以自身的立场和处境,花最多篇幅讨论三十尾以上岁数的高知识高收入女性为什么嫁人难。这还真是个放之四海而皆难的论题。她曾经在专栏文章中质问过,然后收到无数男读者的回复,有些口气恶劣到了象骂人。基本上有代表性的看法是:“我们男人很实际,心地好的漂亮女人就行。而你推崇的这些女人呢,老了不好看了的同时,却更不聪明更挑剔了。”她反击:睁着小鹿般大眼睛崇拜你的女人,在深刻了解你以后未必继续崇拜你;女强人白天把攻击性能量发挥掉,回了家没准特温柔。
她没有说这场争论的输赢,我怀疑选择结婚对象是一个可以讲道理的过程。
这不,她马上引用The Journal of Neurophysiology的发现,romantic love是有物质基础的,由大脑中“reward and aversion"那片儿管着,有扫瞄图可以证明。
"The passion-related region of the brain is on the opposite side from the region that registers physical attractiveness, and appeared to be involved in longing, desire and unexplainable tug that people feel toward one person among many attractive alternative partners."
所以为情所困、非他/她不可。
于是作者和一帮好友们嚷嚷着,下回约会男人,最好能先拿到他的脑扫瞄图,看他是不是”in the throes of new love". 抓住时机,好上演莎士比亚的仲夏夜之梦。
紧接着,还有基因能让人对配偶更忠诚,对抚育后代更奉献。。。

第七章, 整容

读者以为要得出基因就是命运的结论,她说,才不呐,那是古代,现代社会里,基因根本就是一场化装舞会。
因为整容太太太普遍啦。普遍到了很多人在做完手术的青紫阶段,不用躲避在家中修养,而是直接就可以回公司开会,或者去会遇到很多熟人的饭馆吃饭。
一个曼哈顿有名的整容医生骄傲地宣称,她拥有世界上最多的名人脂肪。都是小心标记好以后,冷藏在液氮罐里。随时可以取出来,注射到主人的眼角、嘴角、鼻翼和耳垂等部位去。更让她骄傲的是,上次纽约大停电,许多整容医生不得不扔掉腐坏的脂肪,可她,有备用发电机,完整的保护了客户。 :mrgreen:
至于么?脂肪还不是要多少有多少。但名人就是难养。
作者笑问医生,有没有人在试衣间给她打电话,请她紧急出诊?医生笑答,怎么没有,好些女演员去参加重大场合之前,做了吸脂手术后才穿得出露背装的。医生给好友五十岁的生日礼物,是从她身上吸出两公升的脂肪,把人从十号变成六号。
说到整容,怎能不提BOTOX?它让男女之间的求婚游戏变得更加困难了。这边厢的女士,没法抬眉毛,不会弯嘴笑;那边厢的男士,表情自始至终仿佛刚被一个隐行人用刀扎死。 :p


第八章, 治疗忧郁症

Maureen Dawd的世界,基本是由她的同行,她采访过的政客,(前)男友,众女友组成;她常去的健身房里的人们,则充当背景群众演员。同行的范围很窄,就是NYT, New Yorker, New Republic的编辑和专栏/投稿人吧。她说到男人也有荷尔蒙波动和欺压妇女时,坏男人每每由W.和切尼化身出演。她显然在上流社会出没,又是单身,她知道平常人家的日子是怎么过的吗?我怀疑。
她提到女权运动倒退时,指的是那些能干的高薪职业妇女辞职,推了婴儿车去星巴客和女友聊天消磨一个下午,专心在家培养下一代over-achievers。其实这样的Uber-moms最不值得人担心。她们现在做家庭妇女,绝不等于一辈子是家庭妇女;现在靠丈夫的收入,绝不等于她们没能力养活自己和孩子。女权运动争的难道不是选择的自由?自由包括追求幸福的话,一定也包括追求不幸福。其实很多家庭选择了单收入或双收入,是一种没办法的选择,她倒不提了。
可当Maureen Dawd提到滥用忧郁药,我还真是认同。想到这些药的销售额,有时候会产生科幻效果。随便站在大街上,走过去的十个人里,准有一个正在用药。至少在美国,对忧郁症意识不够的严重性,要低于过度意识。很多人用药不过是为了工作的效率高一点,睡得少一点、好一点。Stepford Wives有现实意义,它不是科幻片而是纪录片。


第九章, 希拉利和政治和女权运动

我认为这是全书最精彩的章节。Maureen Dawd终于把主题引导到她熟悉的领域:华盛顿政治。
从女权主义者出于政治目的,利用Anita Hill来除掉Clarence Thomas; 到同样是出于政治目的,维护Gary Hart 和 Bill Clinton。偏偏是这些好色的民主党政客们肯在妇女问题上有进步的举动,多么讽刺。她们出卖了女性,出卖了灵魂。难怪女权运动在“亿分之一秒的胜利后,有四十年的倒退和反弹。”
在性骚扰案中,受害者往往被置疑:为什么忍受多年不是当场报案?为什么主动给骚扰者电话、信件以示好?为什么接受骚扰者给予的提拨任用?在这些事实下,好象看不到受害者的形象,看到的是一个精明算计用美色贪好处的狡猾女人嘛,尤其是她们捅出来都是在和骚扰者关系转恶之后。这些受害者,连很多女人的同情都得不到。Maureen Dawd用很清楚的思路和语言分析了这些人的心态和动机,让我十分信服。
为着这一点,我对她的评价,从一路下降,又恢复到和读此书之前差不多的水平上。
Last edited by helenClaire on 2005-12-19 15:50, edited 15 times in total.

Jun
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Post by Jun » 2005-12-19 11:51

I question Dawd's sincerity in writing about these subjects. To me this is nothing but a marketing ploy to get women readers to buy her book. Like Bill Clinton said, "I feel your pain." Yeah right. Someone like Maureen Dawd can marry when and if she wants to. If she's 53 and unmarried, that's because she doesn't want to. Don't blame it on men.

Knowing
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Post by Knowing » 2005-12-19 12:01

:let_me_die: :let_me_die: :let_me_die: :let_me_die: 早知道应该拜读一下她的大作,省的出於无知公开宣称对豹纹的热爱丢人现眼
凑巧,上礼拜在医生等待室里翻杂志上读到她的专栏,因为海轮你提起过她就认真看了下来。讲办公室着装,说女性在办公室着装多么需要保持微妙平衡,穿得太好被人当花瓶,穿的不够精致又被人当邋踏鬼,中间夹着无穷多的name dropping , 包括“后来私下问国务卿莱斯,她说啥啥”。我看的真烦。这种文章写出来什么目的?又不解决问题,又没什么深入点的分析,纯粹是伪装成职业女性代言人,cash in on female professionals anxiety on issues affects everyone.
当然我就看了那么一篇杂志上的小专栏,不能作数,你接着说,我看看她有什么新鲜意见。
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Post by Jun » 2005-12-19 12:06

If I were a man, no, EVEN if I were a lesbian, I would not want to live with Maureen Dawd either. TOO high-maintenance.

Knowing
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Post by Knowing » 2005-12-19 13:44

如果约会前需要交换脑扫描图,男人看到她们满脑子计算着捉丈夫的活动,半点浪漫崇拜也无,她们不是更不受欢迎?把整容的效果都抵消了。 :party003: :party003: :party003:
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Elysees
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Re: 读后感:性别大战(抗)

Post by Elysees » 2005-12-19 13:49

helenClaire wrote:其中一项是“时刻把自己想象成一只慵懒、神秘的猫。。。”豹纹衣物的位置和作用在此处被强调。。。
这让我想起我八百年前看的一个节目,是个台湾的配对节目,十个男的十个女的那种,然后互相介绍,然后投票啥的。
有一集里有一个女的,自我介绍的时候,声音甜糯糯的,娇滴滴的说,“我的朋友都说我像猫~~~”(每一个字都要说一拍半),结果第一轮投票,viola,十个人里有九个都投了她.............. :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:

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Post by 洛洛 » 2005-12-19 14:03

你说的那个大概是非常男女,胡瓜和高怡平主持的。是我们家星期天晚上的必看节目。――家猪那时候(未升级)每星期天晚上来我们家报到晚饭,也陪着看了不少。
年初我回家还问呢,答曰早停了。不然我肯定继续。
说到豹纹,我感恩节看中了一件斑马纹的jcrew,薄薄一件毛衣卖上百,有点不舍得,(好啦小k我就是从这些反复思量中得到快乐)
http://www.jcrew.com/catalog/product.jh ... d=cat82118
――现在那件斑马纹只剩xs了,估计等不到减价了。
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Knowing
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Post by Knowing » 2005-12-19 14:22

都是小心标记好以后,冷藏在液氮罐里。随时可以取出来,注射到主人的眼角、鼻翼、嘴角和耳垂等部位去。更让她骄傲的是,上次纽约大停电,许多整容医生不得不扔掉腐坏的脂肪,可她,有备用发电机,完整的保护了客户。
:mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: 我相信那些名人不介意赶工新生产些脂肪出来。 :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:
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tiffany
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Post by tiffany » 2005-12-19 14:40

2升脂肪!我老看看我的大烧杯,848寒战的想像其被人类脂肪装满的壮观景象。
乡音无改鬓毛衰

Elysees
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Post by Elysees » 2005-12-19 14:45

为什么一定要用他们自己的脂肪呢?难道连脂肪都有排斥?

helenClaire
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Post by helenClaire » 2005-12-19 15:10

Elysees wrote:为什么一定要用他们自己的脂肪呢?难道连脂肪都有排斥?
你真是不忌讳。他们名人可忌讳得紧。作者开玩笑说,好莱坞该出科幻片,演歹徒潜入整容医生诊所,把名人脂肪重新标记过。。。

Knowing说她 name dropping,我太同意了。 :speechless002:

Jun
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Post by Jun » 2005-12-19 15:30

Maureen Dawd 就是何不食肉糜那一路人。我都不知说她什么好。

Bethesda,DC 附近上班时间到处都是她说的女人,老公富得滴油,自己也是名门闺秀,婴儿车也不用推,自有菲律宾保姆带,穿着sweatpants从pilates课晃到nail salon晃到茶店,不必工作,这倒算了,偏还拿出激进知识分子的架势把自己当成political commentator,满口政治社会blah blah blah。

Knowing
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Post by Knowing » 2005-12-19 15:51

哈哈哈,我想起paris hilton 把自己当职业女性的代表振然有词的说:大家以前对我侧目是因为我没有安心做豪门千金,而勇敢的选择了作模特的职业女性生涯。 :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:
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Post by Knowing » 2005-12-19 16:00

Maureen Dawd用很清楚的思路和语言分析了这些人的心态和动机,让我十分信服。
What, what?
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Post by Jun » 2005-12-19 16:06

偏偏是这些好色的民主党政客们肯在妇女问题上有进步的举动,多么讽刺。她们出卖了女性,出卖了灵魂。
Nobody can win the war without killing a few innocents on the way. It's called collateral damage. Playing fair and playing by the rules never get you anywhere. If you want an unblemished conscience, you WILL BE outnumbered and outgunned.

Bill Clinton and Gary Hart have sex with as many women as they can get away with, but they don't oppose women having more power in politics. I don't see the problem. Women having power and women enforcing monogamy are 2 separate issues. Monogamy is a biosocial issue, more biological than social. Women's political, economical, and social status and power have more to do with social struggles.

Read this line in Munich, which I like. An Israeli spy said to a character who is having a moral crisis over assassinating Palestinian targets who are involved in the terrorist act of killing Israeli athletes in the 1972 Olympics -- "We didn't get there (ie, establish Israel) by being nice."

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Post by 洛洛 » 2005-12-19 18:21

Knowing wrote:哈哈哈,我想起paris hilton 把自己当职业女性的代表振然有词的说:大家以前对我侧目是因为我没有安心做豪门千金,而勇敢的选择了作模特的职业女性生涯。 :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:
那师太的《谜藏》的女主角还不过是靠父亲赡养费,工作是首长秘书的秘书,也开七十万美元的跑车呢。 :wink:
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Knowing
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Post by Knowing » 2005-12-19 21:13

亦舒是胡扯的。可能以前她也是胡扯,但是那时年幼无知,她怎么瞎编我都看不出来。现在她闭门造车,不用仔细找纰漏满眼都是。当然,细节的虚假比不上故事的抄袭,人物的虚假令人反感。
她干吗不封笔呢?真这么缺钱花?我看她的新作,简直想把人物一手揪出来啪啪啪啪大耳光子贴过去。一个成年人,吃住在家里,实际上用父亲的钱,(她母亲拿赡养费是应该的,她花算什么?)结婚连帖子都不打算给一张,过去二十多年养育之恩一笔抹杀,还道貌岸安的表示是他先抛弃了她们。简直不是人。其实也不是人,是亦舒捏造出来寄托对再婚老年男子仇恨心情的复仇天使,不但要痛骂他们,还要同时吃他们的用他们的,以达到双重打击的目的 :mrgreen: 女哪吒一个 :mrgreen:
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Post by Jun » 2005-12-20 6:34

说起忧郁症吧,其实原因很简单。把办公室里的白领们统统下放到乡下去,一天在田里大太阳下干八个钟头的体力劳动,包你什么思想问题都没了。没太阳晒真是太不好了。

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Re: 读后感:性别大战(抗)

Post by water » 2005-12-20 7:31

helenClaire wrote:看到豹纹和为情所困的讨论了,凑个热闹。

“我们男人很实际,心地好的漂亮女人就行。而你推崇的这些女人呢,老了不好看了的同时,却更不聪明更挑剔了。”

在性骚扰案中,受害者往往被置疑:为什么忍受多年不是当场报案?为什么主动给骚扰者电话、信件以示好?为什么接受骚扰者给予的提拨任用?在这些事实下,好象看不到受害者的形象,看到的是一个精明算计用美色贪好处的狡猾女人嘛,尤其是她们捅出来都是在和骚扰者关系转恶之后。这些受害者,连很多女人的同情都得不到。Maureen Dawd用很清楚的思路和语言分析了这些人的心态和动机,让我十分信服。
hehe, I agree.

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Post by water » 2005-12-20 7:32

Jun wrote:说起忧郁症吧,其实原因很简单。把办公室里的白领们统统下放到乡下去,一天在田里大太阳下干八个钟头的体力劳动,包你什么思想问题都没了。没太阳晒真是太不好了。
hehe, Chairman Mao already did that.

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Post by Jun » 2005-12-20 8:09

He was not talking about the neurological basis of the ultraviolet rays.

Knowing
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Post by Knowing » 2005-12-20 9:14

Maureen Dawd用很清楚的思路和语言分析了这些人的心态和动机,让我十分信服。
海轮,她说了什么新鲜(中肯)的意见?讲给咱们听听。
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Post by Jun » 2005-12-20 11:44

My apologies for the jokes about depression and mental illness.

Washington Post Health section has a good article and online discussion today about mood disorders, especially cyclothymia, a milder form of bipolar disorder.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/co ... 00428.html

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Post by Elysees » 2005-12-20 12:04

I am actually very interested in the depression topic. I wonder whether a mental disease could be totoally healed as cold or other physical diseases.
I know a couple, who are very close to me, both have depression. The woman ended up killing herself. Unfornately it is until her death that I know she had depression and it's IT that caused her life. She looked perfectly like everyone else I know. I never saw her showing anyway of losing interest in life or something.
I wonder how the doctor defined whether someone has depression or not. And is depression something built in in your gene or it's just your lifestyle that causes it?
And I sincerely don't thinking getting more undoor life will help healing mental diseases. Human brain is such a complicated structure that even plenty of ultraviolet rays won't be enough to heal it.

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Post by Jun » 2005-12-20 12:31

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make light of the topic. I especially should know better, being actually passionate about mental health awareness and having had some related professional experience.

Mental illnesses are very complex. It's impossible to explain quickly. I'll be happy to discuss in person when we meet next time.

Meanwhile, check out the Web sites of National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), National Alliance on Mental Health (NAMI), National Mental Health Association (NMHA), and American Psychiatric Association (APA) for resources and general information.

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Joined: 2004-12-24 15:49

Post by water » 2005-12-20 12:50

Jun wrote:I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make light of the topic. I especially should know better, being actually passionate about mental health awareness and having had some related professional experience.

Mental illnesses are very complex. It's impossible to explain quickly. I'll be happy to discuss in person when we meet next time.

Meanwhile, check out the Web sites of National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), National Alliance on Mental Health (NAMI), National Mental Health Association (NMHA), and American Psychiatric Association (APA) for resources and general information.
I have a cousin who is an anorexia victim. She started with depression. The family tried everything they could. It got worse and worse. She eats very little and then throws out. She is also very depressed and doesn't even want to speak with me now.

The terrible part is because they live in a very samll town in China, anorexia is not considered an illness. People around think that she is going crazy. Her family even talked about sending her to those institutions for mentally unhealthy people. I asked around here. The only thing I can do is to buy vitamin pills and mail to her.

Elysees
Posts: 6758
Joined: 2003-12-05 13:10

Post by Elysees » 2005-12-20 13:46

thanks, Jun. I wasn't blaming you or something above. I am just very concern about it.

p.s. when's your next trip to dc?

helenClaire
Posts: 3159
Joined: 2003-11-22 20:12

Post by helenClaire » 2005-12-21 15:59

Knowing wrote:
Maureen Dawd用很清楚的思路和语言分析了这些人的心态和动机,让我十分信服。
海轮,她说了什么新鲜(中肯)的意见?讲给咱们听听。
Once I have my shoppings done, and the Chinese input software up. :oops:
Knowing, why not read her book? My rendition won't do her fair credit. :wink:

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